Tuesday, May 30, 2017

So, the International Career Starter

Well, after a very long wait for a solid job, managed to be a part of the renowned and one and only The Plaza Hotel
I am working at The Plaza, yall!

This is the restaurant that I am working at
The Palm Court

This iconic hotel, tbh IDK what that was which made I doubted myself about what I learnt at hotel school. In my defense, it might be because I was so focused on scoring my papers instead of really feeling it and taking the lessons in, considering the fact that I knew no one cares of what I learnt from the school as long as I have the right attitude. In my defense, it is also correct to have the right attitude. However, it hurts my pride of studying about hotel management for almost 9 years now but not knowing about this iconic hotel, which is now I am a part of. Still in my defense, I am not much of a learner. I am a doer. My center of interest is all about being consistent in a smaller system. I am so bad at multitasking and so bad at so many things, which some people think that I was good at. I kinda know of what my capabilities are. However, I would want to keep my options open to many opportunities ahead. I do not want to miss out any. Chin up!

Now, let's get to what I want to say because I might be losing the shit right now since it is almost ending, the suhoor time for today. It is my fourth day fasting during the Holy month. In about 15 minutes to its end.

After having to shift the gear back to study mode for my master's, it is hard for me to start over with the working gear. It is so hard, especially it is involved in shifts. Shift working time at a hotel is just cray cray! Hotels open 24/7, just like the hospitals. Hence, workers have to be there to operate the hotel. Simple as it is being said, however, the execution is just crazy. That is just the beginning of my frustration.

Then, the workload itself. I am the first male host at the restaurant. On the other hand, that is my first job at a food and beverage department. Legit one, unlike the internships that I had to do to get my diplomas. Therefore, it is another struggle, especially here in the States. There are plentiful of kind of food, even the options are limited at the restaurant, however, I find it difficult to catch up because I am not exposed to the food scene, thanks to my less fortunate family. Unlike some people are privileged to enjoy all the luxury of traveling, enjoying food and whatnot. I have not even finished the cuisine in my country but now I have to up my game at international level. That is freaking tough! I even had no idea about the simplest item in the food menu. It is just embarrasing!
My work is easy, to coordinate the guests to the seating. As much as easy as it might sound, it gets tricky when it gets sooooooo busy! Before my days off, I had to stay back to help out since the most senior employee ended her shift. So, I had the chance to have a taste at handling the busy period: The Afternoon Tea at The Plaza. As famous as it is, it was hard to juggle. I find it hard to balance out the number of covers for every servers. I still haven't been able to understand how each of the person's personalities, because that is how I think I could handle them.

Besides the workload, it is the immediate managers that I feel like they are not helping. I know the job is easy but the connecting with the servers and busboys makes the easy job hard. Like hard, hard. I find myself constantly building the sense of dislike at this job. Every day is a struggle to get out of the bed, to get to work. It is a lovely hotel, however, my managers fail to inspire me to continue on working, except for a couple of them. Everyone seems to be less motivated. That is the job of a manager, to keep the fire going, not just making sure the work is done. Essentially, that is it but that does not make a manager a good one.

The colleagues. Everyone is fairly new. The oldest colleague at the podium works for 2 years and half. However, there's some issues going on. Blergh. Come on people! I am just starting and all the juicy all goody bad rumor is on fire. Goodness! So, I didn't get to learn from them and we are constantly outta man to man up at the hostess stand. O Lord, help me understand! Even tho I am working with girls, they are just simply messy. I cannot imagine how messy they could get if they are at their house. I do not think I could live with any of them. I cleaned the podium so that it is better in terms of organization. At least we know what is in there, e.g. forms and all other important things. I am glad I tidied up the podium. Next up, the coat room! I hope I could muster all the courage to do that. That is more ambitious that the final research project that my team and I completed during the program at NYU. Some servers and busboys are so hard headed and feeling entitled to just boss me around. I have to up my game with these people so that I could be ahead of them and able to control them, at least work-related. The thing is, I am lacking the motivation to up my playing field.

When there are factors giving me frustrations at work, I am experiencing internal conflicts. It makes me question on my capabilities and my abilities. The easy tasks turn hard when it gets busy are very frustrating. The intense busy period is not being helped by having good leadership makes it harder than I could've imagine. The differences in beliefs and preferences makes it hard to make the connections with the fellow employees. The connections are imperative in making things easier as there would be less drama, less tangling up simple issues arising during the operations. As hypothetical as it might sound, however, it can be realized by having THE connection. However, idk how to create the bond, as I haven't been able to find the common grounds.
I find myself discouraged. I might put the expectation to high. I expect people around me to be very nice and uplifting. The thing is, it is just in my ideal world. Nobody's perfect, thus, I can't expect a perfect world around me. Someone been telling me over and over again that I am a perfectionist. I am still digesting to that idea. I want to be a perfectionist but not a very nitpicking one. As long as the system works, I am fine with that.
The internal conflicts, ideally, easier to tackle, however, in my opinion, if the causing sources that create such conflicts are always there, whether I like it or not, it is going to be there as long as it is. So what can I do to make it better?

One of the takeaways that worth being reminded is that every day is a new day. How this might work? Remember the lessons of yesterday, however, just throw the rest of the useless details into the trash can, then, start afresh. Every day. It might sound hard to do, nonetheless, it worth the shot. Why? Because you are broke mama! U better work for the money! Ka-ching!
Other than that, instead of lamenting on the bad things that happened yesterday, cherish on the good things happened yesterday. It might boost your motivation and give you the reason to smile. Smile is good for health and just focus on the good vibration. It will be good.
Now I am praying hard that I could remember this two things:

La di da!

p/s: I think I will start to care less on being repetitive about self reminders because I think repetition will help the thoughts to become effortless practice in real life, as the saying goes: practice makes perfect.

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

So, I am SOOO 'Chained to the Rhythm'

So, Facing the Fear

After that tribute to one of my many people who believe in me, it struck me about one thing: the fear of losing someone
Deaths have always been about losing someone
Whether or not s/he is important to you, still it is all about losing
There are books about dealing with losses
However, to me it is about the fear
Losing is imminent
Something that we can never say no to
Even though we do deny it
It's the fear that makes us afraid of it

So, I learned about something
I learned on how to deal with it: face it
That is how
We have to face the fear to reduce the impacts that it might have on us

My story goes when I heard about the passing of my grandmother, the one who I lived with while I was growing up, while I was trying to understand how the world works
She did not literally taught me things
The fact that she is important to me was that because she always there, physically
Regardless how emotionally absence she could be, but the fact that she was there the whole time
She was there when I needed to have meals
She was there when I needed some company
She was there when I needed to have some just have chat with
Random stuffs
It did not have to be heavy matters to be discussed

She passed away when no one would ever expected
She passed away
I learned it the hard way
Why? I was literally across the globe when she drew her last breath
My nenek
She is gone
She is no longer alive
She is no longer living the world I am in

I did not felt anything when I learned about the news
I felt ok
Not until I started to digest the fact about the passing
I cracked
My life with her just flashed before my eyes
The moment when we fed the cats
The moment when I learned how to rubber tap
The moment when I was asked to fold a mountain of clothes when she came and sit down with me helping me out
It was a house chore and we lived in a multigenerational house
Having said that, there were literally plentiful of clothes to be folded
It was sweet when the flashback kicked in

I still couldn't believe that she is gone
Until I saw the photo sent by my sister

She was one of the persons that I am scared of losing
I lost two most important persons that include her
The pang of losing is just hard to take in
It was in October 2016
I was just about to finish my master's degree

Then, my sponsor asked me to go back
That's when I was hesitated
I was scared
I was nervous
I was feeling awkward
Should I go back? I asked myself that
Not because I did not want to, I wanted to
But the fact that I had to face the music
One of the greatest loss
I put that thought at the back of my head and I headed back

So, when I got back, I forced myself to plan out the visit to her tomb
I managed
It was just that I needed to see it myself
I wanted to face it
Just like how I did to my late stepfather, faced the fear to go and visit his tomb
I knew about his passing when I was away
Just the same case
I wanted to do it again, for nenek

I went to the graveyard
It was afternoon
Went with some of my family members
There was her tomb
I believe it now that she is gone
It was hard to believe but I have to
Something that I cannot deny
Just that I haven't visit the house yet
The place I grew up at
The place where we were living together

The point is, whatever things that hold yourself back because you are afraid of it, face it
Trust me
In the end, it is not that bad
Not bad at all
Gonna test this on other case
I fear of rejection
Rejection hurts
So, let see if this lesson will help me cope that fear ;]


Thursday, March 2, 2017

So, Let's 'Stand Up for Love'

So random sang this song with this awesome singer
Check his smule: phey1987

#standupforlove #destinyschild #sing #smule


Friday, February 24, 2017

So, Here's Some Advice for the Next One: Run

Singing is just my pastime
This is my current favorite even the song was released about two years ago
Run by Nicole Scherzinger, a very talented performer
Of course I can't imitate her greatness!
So, let's get your ears to start bleeding already :P


p/s: thank you VinnySilva6 for the song! Check him out!

So, A Tribute: In Memory of Cikgu Mail

May your soul rests in peace, Cikgu Ismail Mohamad
This is one of the persons that play important roles in shaping who I am today
Since I am growing up with the absence of my bio father, late Cikgu Mail had been one of the father figures that I could find so that I could look up to
For inspiration
For guidance
Besides, he had been nothing but amazing to me
He is one of the persons in this whole wide world who have faith in me

Not even my music teacher in high school believed in me of my singing career choice
But he was correct tho
I can't make it to become a good singer
Nonetheless, my music teacher at my primary school had faith in me
However, I had too little voice lesson, or none at all, I just learn by myself by watching videos and all but then, I...
HEYYY, this is not the entire reason of this post!
Sorry for being off tangent from the main focus...

What I am trying to say is that how wonderful he was to me when I was struggling to grow up, to make choices, to go through challenges
He had faith in me when no one else believed in me
I am thankful for what he had done to me
Everyone has their own lackings in everyone's own way, still I am glad and thankful for his presence a while back
Thank you so much for everything

You'd been called by the Creator almost a month ago
There are memories that I will cherish till the end of time
You have been nothing but amazing to me and I don't think I could thank you enough
I sensed that you were growing cold towards me and I want to apologize that I didn't get the chance to clear that up personally
I am sorry, I really am sorry
My prayers always goes out for you that you will be protected and blessed by Him
Till we meet again
See you on the other side


Friday, February 10, 2017

So, The Journey Back With EVA Air

Well, this is one of the means to keep myself not to sleep during the day

They say jetlag, but I just take it as a mere sleepiness during day time where you feel the need to nap for a bit

I slept quite horribly on the flight
Who does sleep well in a long haul flight in an economy seat?
16 hours, transit for an hour, and another 5+ hours just to complete the journey
Also, since it was crossing the Pacific ocean, that meant that I lost my Thursday
Technically speaking, I had only 10 hours for my Thursday spent on the flight, trying to sleep
According to my sleep tracker, I only slept for 3 friggin' hours
Good grief!

What's interesting?
On the first flight, there's in flight entertainment
I would say kudos to the EVA Air digital media

The Sky Theatre they call it
I love the flow of the interface
The flicking through a stack of cards is lovely!
Besides the smoothness of navigation, however, the response time is a little bit of a lag
The choices are rather limited because clearly they are serving the Asian market, (read: Chinese market)
For some reason, people think that ASIAN = CHINESE, no other
Chinese and Chinese only are Asian
They are wrong!
Back to the review, so, there are a quite limited selection, tho, it has a good bunch of choices
For instance, I love Little Mix, however, I forgot to have it ready in my MP3 player
Surprise, surprise! They have the latest album of LM!!!
Glory Days was on my favorite list in the digital media
I like to browse first and then decide what I want to watch, but usually I will forget later during the flight
But then, bam! I saw that feature and added quite a number of movies
Then again, I didn't watch all of them

When I took the blindfold from the lavatory (read: bathroom), I recalled my old blindfold

lavatory kita takdelah macam ni tapi

The blindfold that is already old but I decide to keep it
Then, the notion about things change, not only people, as much as we deny that the fact that things
change, however, the process continues on to progressing
Deny all we want, still, it is still going to happen
The blindfold that I own is no longer favorable to be used however I still keep it
I still do
But then for what?
For what?
Keeping something just for the sake of keeping?
For what?
Why should I keep it if I can't use it?
Because that is just me
I love to keep safe things that is dear to me
Because it is hard for me to get stuffs, even for myself
Not coming from a privileged family, hence, everything that I have now, I have to earn it
Dia tak datang sendiri
Tapi takpelah, have to learn to let go
Even the hardest way

Then, sampai Taipei, then to Malaysia
I am relieved that I arrived here safely
OK, memang dah tak terbendung dah ngantok nih


Monday, January 30, 2017


Hey, hey, hey!
I am officially an NYU GRAD!!!

I am a #ProudViolet and #ForeverViolet
bila nak difikirkan balik, memanglah seronok dah habes
tapi, yang tak syoknya tu bila kena mula fikir What's Next?
Sheesh, the thing that never fails to annoy me
Especially when you are about to start over
Start over something that you has never done before
The very thought of it being so novel has never fail to make me cringed

Lepas dah grad, beranganlah kan nak dapat kerja elok, nampak diri sendiri dok pakai segak bergaya
berjalan sana sini
membeli belah
bilanya nak mula pakai segak?
bilanya nak mula berjalan?
bilanya nak mula membeli belah?

sekali menangis air mata darah terus

The thought of the very struggle really hinders me doing things that I supposed to do
I kinda am having a panic attack
I am panic-stricken

Lepas a very long deliberation with myself (don't tell me u never do that, lol), I think I should start to take the small steps, the easy steps
these small small little steps will eventually grow bigger
bigger that any of us could imagine
provided everything goes well
better scratch that
provided everything goes well
ok, done

That very thought makes me feel bad again, as I was about to feel better
ok, let's make us feel better again

It has been a bumpy ride along the way
the physical distance wasn't an issue for me however feeling emotionally distant from my close friends and family made it even more lonelier than before
since it is all about starting over
making new friends
familiarizing the new environment
the adjusting process was kinda hard, especially at the beginning
I can't believe it is already over

So, moving forward, let's fly as high as we can to go beyond what it is now
they call it progress
may things get better for me, and to all of you
and thank you NYU