Monday, January 18, 2016

So, It Was A Year Ago Today

A year ago today when I was at the KLIA waiting for my very first outbound flight
And my first outbound flight was to the city, where everyone is dying to be in or should I say a place where everyone wants to belong to
It's friggin' NYC yall!

I hope it is still not too late to wish yall a happy new year!
It is just a number, to some
Or maybe it is a new journey to many
It depends on how each of us is taking it in
It doesn't matter as long as we can live happily ever after among us

Here I am today, on my bed, listening to Pieces of Me by Ashlee Simpson, in my fav pajama pants and shirt writing this post
I know it has been awhile
I always wanted to write something beneficial to people
Meaning something factual or something that comes with facts and figures or tips to do stuffs
But apparently to no avail
To be honest, there is one draft waiting to be edited and posted, which supposedly before this one, but I was stuck with time and idea of how to put it
Might as well I am going to just write whatever I want
Because diverging into that direction is not the primary or sole purpose of this blog
Like I mentioned on my Twitter page, this blog will mean solely for random rant
Whether people like it or not, would that really matter to me?
To be honest, yes
But somehow, when I think again about it, it will never really bring you anywhere when pleasing everyone is the major concern when life is in question
There will never be the end of the road if I want to please everyone
What am I saying is that, I am going to do what I feel good for myself and will never ever harm someone else
This world will be a better place if everyone thinks the same
Yes, there might be things that will never be resolved, but we have to go on living the life we would like to live in, instead of a mere imagination where we can never live happily

The society has it that fake it until you make it
I like the saying
It is because change is unavoidable
However, how good the change would be, depending upon how one perceive it
As for me, I would do it as long as it is beneficial to many in a good way

Another saying that I like now is that there is no right or wrong answer to anything
Because I used to be so affixed to the idea that everything should be the way everything is
Under most circumstances, I do agree there should be lee ways of doing things
But in some circumstances, they should never go against what we believe in

So, this ranting is all about how NYC has taught me over the year
I thought of being good in academics since that was what I promised one of my fav lecturers
However, NYU brings me in different direction
It is about me learning about myself in learning about what is going around
I would say it has been a very interesting ride of 2015
I learn quite a number of stuffs  about me
I hope I will keep on learning this
I would rather take this trip to the States as my Sabbatical trip
It has been quite an eye-opening journey
I have no idea why I feel so scared of the future

Previously, I put less importance of how substantial my very own stance and view about stuffs
It had made me feel secured and safe
Because I don't have to worry about personal attacks
Taking everything as a general assumptions instead or something personal, had helped me to jump over the hurdles
However, at this point of time, I feel like, "What actually am I doing?"
That question still lingers in my head
I will keep on asking myself with that question, over and over again
So that the answer will come to me sooner or later
Therefore, the idea of sticking to your stance and being original is somewhat interesting and intriguing
Somewhat scaring me at the same time
It gives me a helluva anxiety, at most times
Anyhow, I am learning of dealing with it, on my own terms
I hate to be instructed that seemingly to be bossed instead of a mere task which one can go about it in order to complete it

I just finished watching If I Stay
I teared up
I think I teared up too when I first saw the movie, which I can't recall when
Blergh, so bad at remembering
What appear to be very bold to me are the idea of sacrifice and love
I might not be lucky with the latter one
But I would do anything for the first matter in order to keep my loved ones safe and protected
I used to be that resilient bitch with all armored and ready to fight whatever coming in my way
I, somehow, feel that I am losing that piece of bitch in me over time
I have no idea whether it is self-pity or just a mere transition
I hope it is just a mere transition
Really hope that self-pity will just go away because I hate to feel that way
Because it is very downgrading in a way how I would appreciate myself

Hence, will keep on looking on what makes me feel positive and bright
The reason being is that I want to attract the right vibration - positivism, happiness, liveliness
My current fav philosophy of life that I learnt from the movie called A Theory of Everything that is, "Where there is life, there is hope."
Let's hope for a better tomorrow


p/s: I am working on soundcloud project. It's plumandpeach music. I sound rather depressing than brilliant, at least for now, I hope. Do check my covers :D