Tuesday, October 20, 2009

so iritated, sad, anxious, happy; all got mixed up

First of all, i'm sad...
I feel lonesome just engulf me and don't think i'm gonna survived inside loneliness...
i'm still searching for fun things and so called 'happiness' as i feel alone...
I didn't get mesages from y close ones, frens and others...
xtao la klu2 dorg yg terlalu bz...
me either...
i'm still stuck with assignment though next week is my finals...
i still have few minutes to ponder, to think of my close ones...
but do they think of me?
i'm sick of starting a conversation, a cold one, that ends mcm tu je...
as if they are not excited i'm texting them...
where are their enthusiasm in our relationship? does it still exist?
why dont' they even text me even once?
even to text me 'hi', i'm totally appreciative...
klu yg cuti2 tu, xkn xley nk msj kot?
xfhm...
klu tanye, xjwb...
mmg xfhm...
i hate to be left alone, unanswered, and stranded...
I dunno who are my frens anymore, where are they - for of course their whereabouts is wherever they are...
but what i'm trying to say is, they are not close to me anymore..they are away and away - drifting further away from me...
people changes and i dun thing that causes people to be away and far enough to be different like where we were b4...
please guys - my frens (who still considering me your frens), keep in touch...
death doesn't seem to be the ultimate factor for us to be different, to be separated...
it is ourselves...
i'm willing to be unhappy here, not enjoying my pleasure of enjoying things around me because i'm sparing them for you...
but sparing those pleasure still leave me thinking...
'do i make you happy?' is the question that i would like to ask to my close ones...
'when was the last time i did make you happy?' is another one...
'why i am the only one to make sacrifices?'
it's rarely happen to me that people is willing to do something unpredictable that can make me feel a little of joy...
i'm willing leaving my family time rayer hari tu just to join you, to see you...
mls la nk ungkit bnda2 yg lps...
sakit ati...
xfaham knape...
questions should be answered...
i need answers...
it's just because i can't really see happy faces glued (even using gam gajah) on every ones' faces...
they seems plastic, they ain't real...
don't leave me hanging...
i'm sick asking myself, 'am i bad enough, am i deficient with things that people seek for?'...
I'm sick of asking myself, 'am i doing anything wrong?'
Now i do realize that forgiveness is not easy for everybody...
I'm hoping that i can 4give and 4get...
i fuc**** damn alone here in penang...
i need you guys back!
please have a moment of truth with me...
if BFF's still exist...
tell me!!!
I'm bored telling people that i have best frens and they got excited with all the stories told but...
when the reality speaks, it is empty...
we are no longer the 'stories'...
are we 'history'?
dun make me think that way...
please...

Seconfdly, i'm happy...
assignments are submitted...
leaving with only a few more...
and i'm about to finish my first half of my sophomore...
i'm excited...
but i need to stop the excitement...
the reason is in previous blog post...
Finals!!!
here i come...
habes final, i can sleep as much as i want...
forgetting the pain i'm having...
my only getaway...

I think, that's all for the time being...



hukhuk...

2 comments:

  1. farith...
    hm... stay strong?? though i know that words cant mend anything... people say only time that heals and only time can change... mayb one day they'd realize that...
    smile always k?? although sometimes you may have to use the "gam gajah" to stick it on your face but eventually, it'll stick to stay...
    i've once said to farah...
    " learn to forgive + forget,
    learn to be silent but still talking,
    and learn to live + love"...
    insyaallah... things wud go okay...=)

    ReplyDelete
  2. thank you...
    you amazed me...i told you...u have great things to say, to offer me to feel better...
    you used to be my place to find solace...
    so, please don't spoil it...
    hukhuk...

    loll...

    ReplyDelete