Thursday, May 7, 2009

so, is it wrong to be excited???

'excited'
a word that i start to hate...
things got different when i'm excited...
i planned things in my life but, when excited equal to me, the plan is a total crap...
that's why i hate to plan...

for example...
the simplest plan ever on earth...
going to sleep...
i'm a kinda insomniac, most of the nights...
when i feel sleepy in my 'journey' to enjoy very deep sleep, it's kinda struck me that, 'yeah, u'r about to sleep'...
then, involuntarily, i got excited...
it is not my want to be excited...
in the end, another sleepless nite for me...
"yay, for farith..."

next situation...
i'm planning for a surprise...
the surprise that i was doing for, i don't care how long did it took is jadi...
but, my, i could say, expectation on the expression or response of the 'victim' of the surprise always below par...
they doesn't looked so excited like i imagined they would...
like, saying thank you so much sincerely, which sparkles their eyes with honesty...
or, jumping2 and then hug me...eh, yg ni lbey plak...no la...
tp, anything that happened was so wrong...for me...
it's so kinda unacceptable...for me...

next...
mixed up situation...
i was expecting things...
like my father would be so elated that i'm going to see him...
but, in the end, we end up sulking to each other for not bertegur sape...
it happenned that he seemed not so welcoming...
so, what to expect?
lg???
jln2 dgn kwn2...
expected to be a very hectic outings which, i longed for...
yelling here and there...
crack old jokes...
but...
nothing happened...
just jln2...
talking2 problem...
as usual...
as if we are not apart from each other...
like old days in school...going to school together2...mkn2 kat kantin cik bedah tu hari2...
even kadang kene tggl...
i assume that it is a growing process...
which i have to digest...living things grow...
i can't blame them...
or put the blame on me, for being such childish???

so...
i'm confused...
what ever it is, i have to face it...
what else could i do?
even though i despise planning but what i should do...
stray from it?
no, i'm not!!!
it's important!!!
even the slightest act in our daily life, need plan...
so, i just can't help it...
i have to face the music, and suck it up...
no matter what...
i have some kinda a belief that succes won't come before failure...
so, why so scared to fail?
bak kate org, berani gagal...
i don't give a damn to failure...
huhu...
hopefully i'll find ways to get rid of this simple problem...no matter what happen...
hope against hope?
d'oh!!!


hukhuk...

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